I am scared for my future. I do not know how to express that sentence properly, but there it is.
I am currently studying teaching and still have a long way to go before I am finished. It is very expensive. I gather money by house sitting for people who goes away on vacation or just for the weekend. With covid my income has almost halved.
It worries me that the fees goes up every year. How will I gather enough with my expenses included? Besides the money problems I worry if I will be able to get a job. Will I be good enough for teaching? Will I be able to do it properly? I struggle with dealing and talking to strangers and large groups of people. Just thinking about it makes me want to run away. I am sure I will be able to do it, but really, it scares the shit out of me.
I worry about doing my practicals. I am scared teachers will judge me and say I am not fit and would not be able to be a good teacher. I am sure it is just my insecurities that’s talking.
Lastly I am going to be oooolllldddd when I am finished. Probably in my thirties. I am worried that people will hire first the young and then the old.
I am going to apply for a bursary and hope for the best. I really hope that God will look out for me. And clear my path for me.
Sorry for my poor grammar. Ps. One if my subjects will be grammar so maybe it will improve!😂😂
Tomorrow will be my first hands-on teaching practice. A few months back I only observed and got thrown in on the deep side, forcing me to either swim or drown. I really feel uncomfortable to speak to people. I almost never know what to say. It simply is just very stressful for me for varying reasons. Keeping this in mind here goes today’s blog
The observation turned out rough, but I ended up enjoying the experience more than I thought I would.
I have prepared as much as I could for the first week. The theme for the week will be farm animals. So I have the plans, thought everything through, but still, the feeling of anxiety lingers.
Lots of thoughts running through my mind. Will it be good enough, am I good enough, what if the observing teacher thinks I suck and is not suited to be a teacher? What if I suddenly can’t remember the points I wanted to make?
I guess all these thoughts are my self-doubt and insecurities that are coming through.
My sister went to another school to do her practical and that woman just criticized her attempts, throwing hard punches in a manner of speaking. Now, I really do not mind critic, but if you want to dish out criticism you should also be able to give advice on how you can fix it. Sadly, this teacher did not do this. This is also floating around in my mind.
In plain words- I am scared and unsure. With feelings like this, I would have backed out very quickly if I could. But I am stuck.
Ah well. I will just have to “man up” and take the bull by the horns. But how do I get rid of the anxiety?
PS. Sorry for the bad grammar. 🙂